Southern Simchas, Part IV
Jewish Rituals for Death and Mourning
The History of The Hebrew Benevolent Society
Shiva Recipes for Tuna and Egg Salad
Jewish Rituals for Death and Mourning
By Lyssa Harvey
Yartzeit
This month, I will light two memorial or Yizkor candles. One candle for my father, Melton Kligman, and one my mother, Helene Firetag Kligman. They will be lit on the date of their death according to the Hebrew calendar. Lighting a Yizkor candle and remembering the annual death date by reciting a Yahrziet prayer is one of the many unique rituals that accompany the death of a Jewish individual. Judaism's structured period of mourning, which contains various stages for grieving, is considered extremely helpful, because each stage focuses on honoring and commemorating those who are gone, yet it gives appropriate time and ways to grieve and cope with loss.
Keriah (Tearing of a Black Ribbon)
Keriah is the tearing of a garment or black ribbon worn by a mourner during the funeral and shiva mourning period. This ritual is done prior to the funeral service by the Rabbi or individual performing the service. In some instances the placement and tearing of the ribbon may be done publicly, but most often this is performed before the family enters the service.
Burial
Jewish funerals traditionally occur within 24 hours after the death; now there is allowance and acceptance to delay the burial for mourners to travel and for appropriate arrangements to be made. The funeral is a private time for the family and the religion provides that there is no public viewing of the body. The traditions, rituals and customs for Jewish burials provide that the body is buried in a plain and unordained wooden casket. According to Jewish law, the body is washed and not embalmed. Jewish funeral services can take place at the synagogue, funeral home or graveside at the cemetery. A eulogy is delivered, and family members and close friends often read psalms, prayers, and share stories in their own way.
At the graveside it is a common tradition, along with a sign of respect and love to the deceased, for the mourners and friends to participate in the actual burial. Today, many people place a few shovels of soil onto the casket to symbolically follow this tradition. The act of shoveling soil onto the casket helps provide closure and give a physical connection of saying goodbye to their loved one for a final time. It also helps with the realization that the death occurred and allows for the grieving process to truly begin.
Placing a Stone
Within the Jewish faith, it is customary to leave a small stone on the grave. The visitor positions the stone on the grave using his or her left hand. Placing a stone on the grave serves as a sign to others that someone has visited the grave. It also enables visitors to partake in the mitzvah tradition of commemorating the burial and the deceased. Stones are fitting symbols of the lasting presence of the deceased’s life and memory.
The Shiva
The primary purpose of the shiva tradition, or "sitting shiva," is to create an environment of comfort and community for mourners.Throughout the shiva period, which can be up to a week mourners, come together in one family’s home to offer their condolences and support.
The Unveiling
Within the first year after the passing of a loved one, mourners and their family gather at the gravesite for a ceremony called the unveiling, the placing of the tombstone. At this event, a grave marker is put into place and the monument is formally dedicated. There are a variety of specific customs that revolve around the gravesite to honor the person who is now deceased. During this ceremony, it is not necessary for rabbis or cantors to be involved. It is a spiritual time for the family to comfort each other and remember their loved one.
Community Grief Volunteers
Heidi and David Lovit members of Columbia’s Beth Shalom Synagogue participate in many ways to help community members during death of a loved one. Heidi and David both participate with the Chevra Kadisha, a group of men and women who prepare the dead for burial, washing the body, saying prayers and placing the body in the casket. There are individuals in most Jewish communities that participate in this sacred act.
Heidi has helped to prepare and deliver shiva meals for the mourning family. Synagogue and Temple Sisterhoods or grief committees carry out this loving task of cooking a simple meal and having it at the home when the family returns from the cemetery. Usually the meal is a simple diary menu consisting of boiled eggs, egg salad, tuna fish, gefilte fish, bagels, cream cheese, sliced cheese, kugel, fruit, homemade cookies and cakes. During the mourning period friends and family will prepare meals for each night that the shiva is held.
The Columbia Hebrew Benevolent Society
By Nard Fleishman, Secretary-Treasurer, of the Columbia Hebrew Benevolent Society since 2003.
The following is a concise history of this Burial Society and the integral role that his family has played in the history of Columbia’s Jewish Community.
The Columbia Hebrew Benevolent Society (CHBS) is the oldest Jewish organization in Columbia, South Carolina. It was started in 1822 when the Jewish population of Columbia was large enough to form a Hebrew burial society. In 1826, The Burial Society became The Hebrew Benevolent Society. The distinction between a "burial society" and a "benevolent society" was important to the eleven prominent Jewish men who formed the CHBS. In addition to providing a Jewish burial ground, their objective was to render financial assistance to the Jews in the community in time of need. That philanthropic objective has been followed throughout the organization's history. For instance, the CHBS has never refused burial privileges to a Jewish person due to lack of financial resources.
The eleven original founders quickly recruited eighteen additional members who were considered "the leading Jews" of the community. Phineas Solomon was elected the first president, with Elias Pollock as vice president and Jacob Levine as secretary - treasurer. In 1834, the organization adopted its constitution and was granted a charter by the South Carolina Legislature.
During its history, the CHBS has faced many challenges and controversies. One of the most serious was in May 1882 when the cemetery was desecrated. It was discovered that two local teenagers had broken over twenty tombstones. The event generated a great deal of sympathy by the Columbia community for the Jewish organization. The Columbia newspaper denounced the act as an "outrage without parallel."
Another perilous time was during 1904. At that time, the Tree of Life Synagogue was the only Jewish congregation in Columbia. A fight for control of both the synagogue and cemetery had been going on for several years between two groups within the Jewish community. One group was more orthodox, the other more reform. The more reform group controlled the synagogue, but the more orthodox group controlled the cemetery. The disagreements were so serious and so bitter that a lawsuit was filed by the orthodox group against the reform group. In October 1904, two prominent reform Jews, Henry Steele and August Kohn, had their applications for membership to the cemetery rejected by the orthodox controlled group. Things calmed down later when in 1907 the House of Peace (Beth Shalom) Synagogue was established as a congregation for the more orthodox Jews of Columbia. August Kohn went on to become president of the cemetery from 1916-1930 and the CHBS formerly adopted a policy that it would not affiliate with "any other society religious or otherwise." Since that time the CHBS has accepted as a member any Jew, regardless of how they observe their religion.
The cemetery is unique in many ways. The CHBS does not sell any burial plots. It sells single or family memberships. The membership entitles the member (members for family membership) to burial privileges in the cemetery. Once the membership fee is paid, the member may reserve plots in the cemetery. The member cannot sell, trade or gift their plots because they do not own them. If the member does not use their reserved plots, they revert back to the CHBS and may be reserved by another member.
Only Jews can be members. However, a Jewish person may join with a family membership and have their non-Jewish spouse buried next to them. Only Jewish funerals and Jewish symbols are permitted in the cemetery.
My family has been involved with the CHBS for a long time. My great grandfather, Barnet Berman, came to Columbia in 1871 and married Rosa Fannie David who was born in Columbia in 1856; making my family the oldest living Jewish family in Columbia. The early records of the CHBS (1822-1884) are missing. The earliest minutes available are of the meeting on August 3, 1884 which my great grandfather attended. He served as president of the CHBS from 1888-1914 and is responsible for the building of the chapel and restoring financial stability to the Society.
My grandfather, Sol Fleischman, served as vice president from 1916 until 1925. My father, Bernard Fleischman, served as secretary-treasurer from 1953 until he passed away in 2003. I took over as secretary-treasurer then and have been serving up to the present time. The other officers are Steve Savitz as president, Jeff Abrams as vice president, Ilsa Young as assistant secretary-treasurer, Todd Weiss as webmaster and Heather Weiss as membership chairwoman.
While my father always respected the grieving process, he never lost his sense of humor about the business side of the cemetery operations. Once a prospective member was quizzing Dad about whether the CHBS would take care of his grave after he passed away. Dad answered the man by saying, "Joe, I can assure you of one thing. At the Columbia Hebrew Benevolent Society, we will be the last to let you down!"
Learn more about CHBS at columbia-hbs.org.
Above images courtesy Columbia Hebrew Benevolent Society.
Shiva Recipes for Tuna and Egg Salad
Shiva meals usually include Tuna Fish and Egg Salad. Beth Stapleton's recipes are exceptional and the best tuna and egg salad I have ever had. – Lyssa Harvey
Confetti Tuna Salad
By Beth Elmaleh Stapleton
Beth always says “You eat with your eyes first!” She teaches Moroccan cooking classes in Charleston, South Carolina at KKBE Temple. Beth’s grandmother Sarah Elmaleh Levy was from Morocco and a celebrated Morrocan cook. This tuna fish include fines herbs that Beth makes!
Mix together the following ingredients:
2 cans drained of sustainability caught Tuna (any type of tuna works)
1/8 cup of finely diced onions red or white,
1/8 cup of finely diced carrots,
1/8 cup of finely diced celery,
1/8 cup of finely diced radishes
2 tablespoons of Hellman’s mayonnaise or to taste
Then add:
A teaspoon of dry mustard
A tablespoon of “fines” herbs
Serve cold.
Beth’s Mother’s Egg Salad
By Beth Elmaleh Stapleton
This recipe is an adapted version of her mother, Ellen Elmaleh’s egg salad. Beth suggests a trying a few versions to make your eggs easy to peel: Use older eggs, add baking soda or vinegar to the water, and always plunge eggs into a cold water bath after boiling.
Mix together the following ingredients:
12 Eggs boiled, peeled and chopped
1/8 cup of finely diced onions
1/8 cup of finely diced celery
2 Tablespoons of Hellman’s mayonnaise or to taste
Then add:
1 teaspoon of finely chopped fresh dill
1 teaspoon of dry mustard
Serve cold.